So it has been what seems like forever since I last updated and it's not because I have nothing to say. Life just seems to have gotten busier and busier and it seems like I never have a moment to sit down and just reflect; reflect on the day, the week, the month.
So here it is, it's 12:32am and I can't sleep. I can feel my sinuses giving me grief again and instead of tossing and turning, I decided to take this prime opportunity to record all the random thoughts that are floating through my head.
For the first time in my life, I have a savings account balance and while may not seem like a big deal to many people, it's something huge for me. I don't even think I can put into words how much having a balance in a savings account means to me. All my life, I have lived pay cheque to pay cheque. Even right now, I basically live from one pay day to the next. I have learned to adapt my lifestyle and spending habits and now that I have Alex, my needs and wants are no longer as important. There isn't anything in this world that I wouldn't do for that little guy - I tear up right now thinking about it. It's amazing how becoming a mom changes everything.
I have had a lot of time lately, thanks to the wonders of sleepless nights,to re-evaluate my life and everything connected to it. It's amazing how a person's perspective changes over time. There is so much I would love to do an accomplish. Thank goodness that I have a job I absolutely love because that's one thing that can keep me grounded. And it gives me some security, as I know that ever important pay cheque will continue to be deposited and I will be able to provide for my son.
Perspective. That word has a lot of weight to it. What I used to think was important and what has become important in my life have definitely changed. I know I have changed as a person and I guess depending on who you talk to, it's either for better or for worse. There are things in my life I wish I could change and at the same time, there are things that I love. I do believe that everything happens for a reason and that in order to really appreciate what you have, you have to go through hell and back. I know I haven't had a very hard life but there isn't a day that goes by that I don't reflect on some of the choices I've made and how they have caused my path to become what it has.
I have also learned that while there are some days I think I am a strong person, I'm really not in the grand scheme of things. I want to fix things; I do tend to sweep things under the proverbial rug, If I was a strong person, I would have made better choices starting back in elementary school. Like I said, perspective is a pretty strong word.
I think back to something that I keep hearing over and over in my head, 'make better choices'. The beautiful lady that spoke those words wasn't someone I really knew well but her love of life is something that I wish to resonate in my life. One day at a time.
